Sunday, April 17, 2011

The end of the all depression all the time hour.

I mention, in the long serious trauma posts, that I kind of have a split personality thing going on right now. I am sleeping weird hours (but getting more sleep than it probably sounds like) and working constantly on a humongous list of stuff. That's why I am not posting during the day about all the cheerful stuff going on in my life. I appreciate the phone calls I've been getting, but really... it doesn't matter how suicidal I fell, I won't allow myself to be the kind of person who hurts my kids that way. That is not my story. So even though I have really bad times I am not going to give in to this compulsion. I have an awful lot of will power. I've been using the home improvement stuff to kind of meditate and stay present during the day and it's really awesome. I may not chop wood and carry water but I do a lot of dig dirt, carry bucket. I say that over and over all day. And I smile while I do it. And I feel at peace with the world. And I enjoy my beautiful children. And I really and truly am genuinely happy.

But! Today is a slack day! Thanks to the efforts of our wonderful friends Paula, Andrew, Alex, and Yani we get to have a day of rest. Noah suggested that folks might find it kind of cool to see what I've been up to so here I go. I have thusly suffered through the agonies of technology. It took me over an hour and a crying fit at Noah before it occurred to me that if a program wasn't working... maybe I should restart my computer. I'm a quick one I am. So I didn't have three days of everything going right, but uhm as a bump that one is ok by me. I uploaded a bunch of pictures on flickr. I'm going to try to write commentary.

Mostly I have relaxed and read web articles. It's been a blessedly work-free day. Sometime soon I will have to figure out dinner, but not yet.

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