Thursday, May 19, 2011

Asking for input

I know people are reading. My stats page is shocking the shit out of me. Thank you. A few minutes ago I put together a paragraph and stopped and reread it a few times. It feels real, but not true. And I'm not sure why. If anyone has a few minutes to babble a comment at me about what they think about it, I'd like that.

I had to see how bad my life is now compared to how bad my life was then and how bad my life is compared to their life now. I want my life. Staying like them is so completely horrible to me that I physically reacted. So I turned around and I hit them just about as viciously as I could. And now I'm trying to make peace with the fact that I feel like it makes me an abuser when I tell people that I was sexually assaulted repeatedly with collusion from my mother for almost 20 years. That's hard.


  1. i don't know what to say. what feels not true about it?

    the only thing that i question is whether you really "hit them" (are you talking about sending those messages?) for the reasons implied here, or because it was the right thing to do.

  2. Why is it hitting. Why is it vicious. What is it?

  3. it hurts them, and you may want to hurt them, but i don't believe that you are doing the work of recovery to hurt anyone. so it's not vicious.