Thursday, May 19, 2011

Asking for input

I know people are reading. My stats page is shocking the shit out of me. Thank you. A few minutes ago I put together a paragraph and stopped and reread it a few times. It feels real, but not true. And I'm not sure why. If anyone has a few minutes to babble a comment at me about what they think about it, I'd like that.



I had to see how bad my life is now compared to how bad my life was then and how bad my life is compared to their life now. I want my life. Staying like them is so completely horrible to me that I physically reacted. So I turned around and I hit them just about as viciously as I could. And now I'm trying to make peace with the fact that I feel like it makes me an abuser when I tell people that I was sexually assaulted repeatedly with collusion from my mother for almost 20 years. That's hard.

3 comments:

  1. i don't know what to say. what feels not true about it?

    the only thing that i question is whether you really "hit them" (are you talking about sending those messages?) for the reasons implied here, or because it was the right thing to do.

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  2. Why is it hitting. Why is it vicious. What is it?

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  3. it hurts them, and you may want to hurt them, but i don't believe that you are doing the work of recovery to hurt anyone. so it's not vicious.

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