Tuesday, September 20, 2011

It depends on how you define it.

In deference to those who have requested shorter posts, I had a thought that is totally different.  I usually say I haven't been raped since I was 18.  Of course, like most of the things I say about myself, that's true and not true.  I've done a fairly ridiculous amount of rape play, including things that felt absolutely traumatizingly real.  Oh, and there was that party.  With that guy.

So there's this guy, Uncle Paul Nathan.  He used to run the Climate Theater.  I don't know if he still does.  What I do know is that in his role as party host he is quite happy to play drug dealer.  I don't have a moral issue with this.  What I do have an issue with is the fact that at one of his parties he pulled me into a back room and encouraged me to sit on a table or a desk, I don't remember which.  I was absolutely enthusiastic about the idea of having sex.  It all felt good.

But you see, he didn't have a condom.  And I wasn't on birth control.  So as I lay there in a fairly drugged stupor I moaned "Please don't put it in me without a condom. I'm not on birth control.  Please don't.  Please don't."  He said, "I'm only going to stick it in a few times.  I won't come.  It's ok."  I won't even lie and say it felt bad.  It felt fucking incredible.

But you know?  I'm pretty sure that Paul Nathan technically raped me.  I should probably say that out loud.  I should probably publish that on fetlife.  Because I bet you I'm not the only one.  And I'm kind of angry that I have kept my fucking mouth shut for six fucking years.  Me.  I am such a fucking moron.

Wear a condom you abusive piece of shit.

Thanks for telling me to post about this, Wendy.

1 comment:

  1. You can't really classify yourself as a moron for doing the very human "I-don't-want-to-deal-with-this-so-I-will-suffer-through-it-alone" thing. It isn't uncommon for people to do that and not be morons. I'm glad you said it aloud. I love you.