I'm not writing this on my computer. I'm still at my muse's house. I suppose I could go get on bart right now while he is still asleep, but that feels kind of weird. He is expecting to see me when he wakes up. I have kind of a weird mixture of anxiety going right now because I feel like I am doing an awful thing to Calli by being here.
I like being here. It's hard to like it this much. It's hard to be in this place in my head where I know that no matter how much I like him this relationship is in a little box. I like him a lot. We are doing the toast phase with great speed. (For those not in the know, the toast phase is when you are experiencing N(ew) R(elationship) E(nergy) and you walk around comparing stories and everything feels like, "You like toast? I like toast!" It's silly and exuberant and fun.
I got a bit weird and sad last night. I think it was the fact that the march/protest was really intense and I walked I don't know how many miles yesterday. Probably at least seven or eight but I'm not sure. Maybe more like ten. I started walking at around noon and I didn't really stop until after seven. My hips hurt.
I don't know what to think about this man. So far I'm just trying on eleventybillion different ideas and seeing if they fit or not. Mixed results, but that's for the best. He can't be everything. But what he is, it's really nice.