Thursday, August 23, 2012

sticks and stones

People tell me to just get over being afraid. But when I leave my house I have people yell that I am a dyke, a lesbian, a bitch, and a whore. People who have never met me and who know nothing about me. I have been raped a lot. I've never had a violent attack from a stranger, though. These days that feels like the biggest threat left in my life.

Given that I have boys yelling insults and put downs while following me home on bicycles (they were riding in the same direction anyway, I'm sure) I'm not really sure how it would be rational or reasonable for me to feel safe. I'm supposed to just shrug it off. Given my life experiences that is death. No. I can't just brush off people threatening me. I fucking can't. So I'm told to "drive to better neighborhoods so I can be safe".

There aren't safe places for me. I can't drive to anywhere that is safe for me. Such a place doesn't exist. Today that scares the ever-loving-shit out of me.

Do I think I was actually in danger from those teenage boys? I don't know. Teenage boys are about as safe as a pack of rabid dogs in my experience. And I was just about to be in front of the house of the people who don't want to know me any more. I don't really feel I could have expected help. I would have been alone. Was I actually in danger? Things happen. They probably know where I live now.

That scares me. That scares me a lot.

2 comments:

  1. Being afraid isn't something you can get over. Anyone who says that to you is a class A moron.

    Have you ever taken a self-defense class or martial art?

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    Replies
    1. I haven't! It has been on my "to do" list for a decade. Time and money is always scarce.

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