Thursday, September 27, 2012

Krissy's tips on how to avoid being a bad person

Other people get to have their points heard on the whole "don't rape" topic.


1. Before you have any kind of sexual contact with someone you need a clear verbal "yes" or what you are doing is sexual assault. Really.*

2. If you offer someone help and they say "No thanks" please respect them as an autonomous human being and do not over ride them because you know better.*

3. If you are giving someone a massage your hands and mouth need to stay out of the nether region unless you have been given explicit consent to touch there. Otherwise you are committing sexual assault.*

4. If you are in a group where men outnumber women pay attention to who gets to talk. When a man interrupts a woman try saying, "Hey she was speaking--let her finish." This will reveal that you give a shit what she has to say.*

5. When you are at work jokes about how some interaction is "like rape" should be stopped with a cold remark. Nothing that happens at work is like rape. Shut up. You don't know what you are talking about. Work is not the place for jokes like these. Maybe in a small group of your very closest friends--never at work.

6. When you want to give a woman a compliment assess three factors: a) do you know her (if you don't probably keep your mouth shut because that shit is creepy) b) is the compliment something that reduces her to her sexual parts (if so keep your fucking mouth shut) and c) is it something you want someone saying to your mother? If not, shut the fuck up. Seriously. Where are your manners? Catcalls are threatening and rude. Telling someone that she is lovely is fine. Telling someone that you like her tits or that you masturbate when thinking about her* is not. (Obviously unless she asks. If she asks if you masturbate thinking about her it is perfectly acceptable to answer.)

7. Don't taunt or encourage or push people to drink large quantities of alcohol. Alcohol is a poison. In large quantities it is highly toxic to the body. Pushing people to poison themselves is hardly the act of a friend. If someone is passed out drunk then your ability to have sex that night is over. You may not have sex with an unconscious person. Unless you have specifically said, "Some night when I am unconscious it is ok to have sex with me" it is rape. It doesn't matter if she is your wife, girlfriend, or good time girl for the night. If she is unconscious there is no sex. Especially no unprotected sex. If you have unprotected sex with an unconscious person* then you are a bad person and you should be beaten by a large gang of bikers.

8. If you are over the age of 21 then you must never have sex with anyone under the age of 18 again. If you do then you are a disgusting bad person. In our culture people are not allowed to have sex with children and a 17 year old counts, buddy. If you want to fuck someone that bad then take the time to develop a friendship and wait until they are legal. Or you are a bad person. And a felon because that's rape.

9. Don't push people towards ignorance. Don't mock people for knowing things or being smart.* Don't tell women that they are bitches just because they have opinions.* What kind of moron still does this? How in the world can you prize ignorance over knowing? That's kind of a side point, but really. Don't do this. Knowing more is always better.

10. If anyone ever even vaguely seriously communicates something along the lines of "Bros before hos" then you need to respond with, "Actually I'm going to be a witness for the prosecution if you rape her." You need to be willing to admit that maybe some day you will find out that one of your friends is a rapist. Please don't take his side. If you are not a rapist but your friend is and you cover for him then you are still a bad person. Really. Maybe you are a hair less evil but silence is consent. If you keep your mouth shut then you are a bad person. Don't be a bad person, please.

* = issues I have had personally. Other rules are taken from the lives of my female friends.

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